You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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