Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
