Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
