Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
