Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
