she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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