I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
