2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
