Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
