she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
