oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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