Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
