I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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