i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
