i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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