I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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