I wish I could teleport
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
