Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
