Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
