The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
