I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
now i know why i became what i already was.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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