I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
