just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
