i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
