And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
