I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
