Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
