fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
