Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
