there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
