I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
