Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
