ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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