Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
