Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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