Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
