my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
