But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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