she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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