Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
