its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't make out with my wife yet
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
