she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
