I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
