I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
