You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
