I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
