DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
