1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
