The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
