I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
